Giving up

Jerry  O’Dovero (disabled, quadriplegic, paraplegic ) 

Before I tell this story I want God to know I forgive my parents. I always have. Last night I lied to my friend Roger. I’ve been lying to God and myself for too long now as well. I can’t keep doing it any longer. Roger told me he was disappointed with me last night. Maybe you are as well? I know Dave down in Dallas is. ‘’Why don’t you come visit anymore? We care about you and want to see you!’’ Roger also yelled at me for not calling enough, but that’s a terrible flaw I can’t seem to change. I want to apologues to everyone for that.

My lie to Roger wasn’t what I said, but what I didn’t say. I don’t travel in my motor home anymore because I cannot afford too. My disabled body is getting old and I don’t work anymore, I finally signed up for social security. My goal was NOT to sign up until I was 62 years of age. I don’t receive enough on social security to travel in my motor home. Then there’s the fact that they took away my driver’s license 3 months ago because of my aging body. I am working on getting it back. While I am angry with myself for not working harder when I could, my lie last night made me dig up a letter dated December 18, 1979. It’s from a Lawyer I met once on July 23, 1979 and then 2 days after the date of this letter. The letter and the several other pages came with a check for $700,000 with my name on the front of it. When I was 16 years old I bought $1,000,000 of automobile coverage because I loved my father and family.

On December 20, 1979 I endorsed the back and handed a $700,000 check with my name on it to my father and his Lawyer and never seen it again. 6 months later I started working so I could earn a living and pay my own way in this world. I feel most people think I live with a silver spoon in my mouth. I’ve worked my ass off for too long to make it appear that way without telling anyone about the money I didn’t received. I cannot keep lying to everyone. I’ve worked hard to make my life look easy. Maybe too hard? My body is getting old.

I wish I didn’t have to tell this part of my life, but I’m only lying to myself if I don’t. I won’t be giving myself the full credit of what I truly accomplished if I don’t. I’m proud that I didn’t give up after waking up paralyzed from the chest down. Just as importantly, I proud I didn’t give up when my father took my disability money out of my name and invested every penny of it for the family and made me feel unwanted. A feeling that’s never left me.

Today I’m finally accepting that I’ll never get my disability money back or the millions it’s made over the past 34 years. I’m still going to forgive them so they can go to heaven. There is one thing more important than money and that’s forgiveness and the kingdom of heaven.  But since they left me to live on social security, I am going to tell this story in much more detail for a long long time. I’m hoping that by telling this story it never happens to anyone else. Not everyone is a survivor like me. I’ve seen too many people give up for a lot less reasons.